How to Care for Your INFJ: A User Guide

Congratulations! You have found yourself in the possession of one (1) INJF. This was a probably a long and tedious process. Kudos to you for persevering long enough to get to this point.

Supposedly, INFJs make up less that 1% of the population. Maybe that's just because they're so reclusive and private we don't know how many there actually are. If you have acquired an INFJ unit, please read your instruction manual carefully, then toss it out the window. You won't need it. INFJs do not like to conform to rules and expected social norms, as it makes them feel un-original and therefore, useless.In fact, they may do something unexpected just to keep you on your toes. INFJs thrive on surprises and may NOT do something just because it was expected.

SOFTWARE

When you get your INFJ, it comes with several programs that are pre-installed and they cannot be turned off or removed. These include:

THINKING.exe - This program always functions in the background. Always. They're thinking about what you just said, how that thing smells and it reminds them of a person from five years ago, why you turned away when you said that, and are they boring you?

EMOTION FILTER.exe - When placed in a network, an INFJ will absorb and filter all emotions emitting from the other units. These emotions are often amplified and sometimes reflected. This can be difficult for the INFJ unit, so they need a cool-down time after most social interactions to sort and file the collected emotions. While this can have a negative effect on the INFJ, it also allows them to be an excellent empathizer. Advanced INFJs have updated settings that allow them to block as well process other units' emotions.

CURIOSITY.exe - INFJs are insatiably curious, it's just part of the package. They like to take things apart, figure out how it works, why it works, and how it got here in the first place. Be forewarned that if you give the INFJ a partial information, they won't rest until they get the rest. INFJs are patient when it comes to figuring things out and will wait for years to ask you deeper questions if that's how long it takes you to be comfortable with them.

MODES

Alright, on to the standard modes of function. Make sure all cookies are enabled, as most units love cookies but INFJs run on them very well. INFJs come with four (4) standard modes of operation, but more can be purchased if you know where to look, and have plenty of time to install them.

OBSERVING (default)- The INFJ spends most of it's time in this mode. Rather than directly interact with other units, when placed in a group the INFJ will remain silent and take in information. How he looked at her, when she laughed at that joke, if you casually mention your favorite food. All information gathered in this mode goes to be filed. Unfortunately the INFJ unit's filing systems get overworked and sometimes lose important documents. These can sometimes be recovered in "trash," but it's not likely.

PROTECTING - This mode functions simultaneously with the others if need arises, and can be activated by the physical or emotional need of another unit. INFJs will fiercely guard those that they love and are incredibly loyal. If anyone is being bullied, whether or not the INFJ knows them, the INFJ is likely to step in. Injustice is something they cannot stand. Ever.

In a subset of this mode you will find the thoughtful side of the INFJ. They will remember what you like and try to please you, if you have made it past the INFJ's virus blocker. They take a long time to become attached to another unit but once they are they will do almost anything to keep the relationship and the other unit happy and well.

WITHDRAWING - INFJs are the most likely units to develop depression. Perhaps it's from  the way they process emotions. INFJ units function very well when processing others' emotions, but when it comes to their own, they often experience glitches, so they shut down. It could be they way they think and care so deeply about almost everything. INFJs are saddened when they are presented with a set of problems they can do nothing about. Even if they did nothing to cause the problem, if an INFJ can't help fix it, their Worthless pop-up must either be blocked or will stay open, which is not beneficial to the systems of your INFJ. In this mode you may experience lag and general un-enthusiasm for any of the INFJ's usual interests. Sleep mode will happen more frequently but will not solve any problems as the INFJ will be constantly tired and or fatigued. The best way to care for your INFJ unit in this mode is to sit beside them and give them a hug. Pray with them, and let them know you won't leave them. Do not try to fix or delete this mode, or the INFJ will react with the anti-virus guard. The only unit that can fix and/or delete this mode is the INTJ itself, with assistance from the Creator of the unit.

SLEEPING - This mode is exactly what it sounds like. Hours needed in this mode per week differ depending on which model of INFJ you have. **See also “Over-Emoting” and “Withdrawing.”

OVER-EMOTING (also referred to as “emotionally drunk”) - This mode usually happens in the absence of sleep mode, and is brought on by the over-run of the Emotional Filter. In the mode the unit will make no sense, and will probably start singing stupid theme songs to outdated television shows, laugh at packing labels on the Cassava flour, and make weird and random sound effects including but not limited to: boops, crashing sounds, oohs and ahs, and general shenanigans.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

Q. MY INFJ WON’T COMMUNICATE WITH ME. WHAT DO I DO?

1. Firstly, do not assume that just because the INFJ unit is not speaking to you it is upset. INFJs take a long time to process new information. Sometimes they need a long period of inactivity to produce one cohesive thought. If your unit is clearly already upset, ask what is wrong, gently. If the INFJ is unresponsive you have two choices, kill the page or wait for it to respond. Sit next to the INFJ and hold them. They will respond slowly but if they know you are truly listening they DO want to tell you what is running through their hard drive.

Q. WHY DOES MY INFJ SEEM TO LIKE EXTRAVERTING?

1. At first glance it may seem like your INFJ is more of an extroverting unit. This is because INFJs will frequently leave home and search out social gatherings where they know they will find their other favorite units. Even though they do frequent these events, it’s really only for the one or two units and the cookies. INFJs tire quickly from small talk and social pleasantries and would much rather engage for longer periods of time in smaller groups of two (2) or less.

Q. MY INFJ SEEMS JEALOUS. DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

1. No. By nature INFJs tend to make friends with extroverts. This can cause slight problems when the INFJ hears about your other friends, and your activities/special things with them, etc. Because INFJs are so loyal they generally have 2-3 close friendships, and these are enough. Many extroverts like a larger circle of friends with varying interests so that they never run out of things to keep them busy, occupied, and full of new ideas. The INFJ may have a hard time understanding why you are not as fulfilled by them as they are by you. This is nothing wrong in your part. Most INFJs can be updated to relax this setting. Check with your software before trying to update your INFJ.

PRO-TIPS:

Using this guide should get you pretty far when handling your INFJ. But if you want your experience to go above and beyond, here are some helpful tips on how to improve the running functions of your INFJ.

-Always operate with complete honesty. If you don’t want to tell your INFJ something, don’t. But don’t give them a part-truth. They would rather you hurt them with the whole truth than you comfort them with a lie.

-Remember things. Even it is something as small as “I remember that you take milk in your tea so I grabbed some cream for you.” The INFJ often uses this function to please other units, but rarely experiences it in reverse. If you use this method it guarantees you have one very pleased INFJ.

-Pay attention. An INFJ will often splurge all their emotions at once if you are paying attention and let them know you are willing to listen. Warning signs to an Emotion Glitch include complaints that seem to have more behind them, or general “flopping” (this can be presented physically or verbally).

-Spontaneity. As previously mentioned, INFJs thrive on the unexpected. They love to surprise others and be surprised themselves (as long as it’s not too extreme). Plan a last-minute hike or picnic, explore a new cafe, or bring your INFJ some tea when they’re freezing up over a new writing program.

Again, congratulations on your new companion! One of the best things about an INFJ unit is their innate understanding. They want to accept you for who you truly are, all you have to do is let them in. If serviced properly your INFJ will serve you faithfully for many years. Good luck, and go have some spontaneous adventures.



{Don't know what the heck I'm talking about? Find more information on INFJs and all the other lovely personalities here.}

Cinderella, Parallel Parking, and A Gelato Review

Well. It's been a while. Sorry. Whenever I post I find myself wondering that if I was more consistent, could I reach a wider audience? or maybe I'm in the wrong platform for that... Anyway.

I joined up with Pip and Lolly for a delightful afternoon at the theatre and then to explore a new cafe. We met up at the N4th Theater in Albuquerque to watch Elite Dance and Theatre's performance of Cinderella. As usual, the dancing and visual elements were stunning. This show, we decided, was not as emotionally impactful as Elite's previous show "Scarlet Letter," or "The Shoe Room" (if you want my review on that show you can find it here) but it made us all laugh. The characters were bright, witty, and just plain hilarious. This modern interpretation of the show included a Fairy Godfather, some glam converse, a reality TV contest, hip hop and ballet, and some awful pick up lines.

After the show and congratulating our friends who were in the production on the fantastic job they did, we headed to Deep Space Coffee for gelato. Gelato, in case you don't know, is Italian ice-cream. If you want to read a cool article on how it's different than ice cream click here.
I have never had gelato before, so I can't compare it very well, but it was delicious. Deep Space Coffee is a neat little independent cafe off of Central in ABQ. (Hence the parallel parking. I have never parallel parked before, but thankfully I had Lolly as my wingman--she got out of the car to help me park, haha!)

Deep Space Coffee, we discovered, has really fantastic atmosphere and fairly good customer service. I could say more for the presentation of the gelato itself (basically it was dumped into a bowl from a freezer package) but the taste made up for it. Also, they used real bowls and spoons--super cool. :)

Our thoughts on the actual gelato:

Pip: I think it was really good, but the presentation wasn't great. It sort of had the texture of a Popsicle; I expected it to be a little bit more liquid-y.  (she got the Mango Sorbet)

Lolly: It was somehow thinner than I anticipated. Mine had little pieces of lavender in it, and I'm not sure how I felt about that... I really liked the flavor but the fact that I had to chew the lavender was odd. (she got Thai Coconut)

Me: I got salted caramel. (Because, CARAMEL.) I think I was expecting it to be more like frozen yogurt, but it was a little more like very very smooth, hard ice-cream. The flavor was very intense, which was phenomenal. I'd be interested to try other places that serve gelato to see the differences.

And finally, would we go back to Deep Space Coffee for the gelato?

Pip: I wouldn't come back just for the gelato, but I would definitely like to try other things from Deep Space!

Lolly: Nope. I would go back to Deep Space, but not for the gelato.

Me: Mmmaybe. I think there are probably better places to get gelato, but I would come back here to try other things from their menu!

Concepts, Realizations, and Lessons Learned--wait never mind I'm still learning

Do you ever have a moment when you think "Wow, I'm really glad God taught me this thing. It's so great to have finally figured it out!"

And then... you realize... you haven't actually.

This last year, I feel like God has shown me to not put people on pedestals-- not literally, mind you, but subconsciously, in my mind. Three friends of mine let me down--they fell from their pedestals in different ways, but all pretty hard. Okay God, I thought. Now I know not to do that. It's not very fair to either of us. People aren't ever going to be perfect--I'M not perfect--so I shouldn't hold them to that standard. 

Maybe this is old news to you. It makes sense, doesn't it?  I don't know why it took me so long to figure that out. But fast forward several months, and I realized ... I was still doing it.
To give you more insight, I have struggled with intense loneliness for all of my teenage years. I say intense because it seems a bit different from the regular kind of lonely. Maybe someday I'll write more on that. Because of this, I have cherished my close friendships.

Two weeks ago I was struggling. It doesn't seem like a whole lot looking back on it, but then, it seemed completely overwhelming. I turned to two of my closest friends for support. They were encouraging and pointed me back to God--but this week, after a conversation with one of them, I realized I should've gone to Him first.

I stepped back to look at every storm I've been hit with in this year. What was my first response?
I need this person to understand. 
I just wish I could tell that person. 
I wish so-and-so could be here to help me.

Oh no, I thought, I've done it again. and again. and again. 

When you hear "They worshiped the created rather than the Creator" what pops into your head? People in the Amazon worshiping trees? Evolutionists giving credit only to "Mother Nature"? Yeah, that's what I thought. I never envisioned people--my people, my friends, my relationships--becoming that to me.  I was subtly worshiping people instead of the One who made them

Please don't get me wrong. God puts friends in our lives as a gift--to help us, guide us, encourage us. I think God works through people all the time, and He loves to show us His mercy and grace through our friends and enemies. But I figured out I was putting too much stock into my earthly relationships and not enough in my direct up-line to Heaven.

I'm working to change that. It's hard. Really hard. And also slightly painful. It's hard to believe, some days, that God is still so patient with me, even when it seems He has to hit me upside the head to get my attention. So that's where I am right now.

How's your Thursday going?